I am tromping solo up a steadily climbing 3.5 mile trail to Lonesome Pine Overlook in the Smoky Mountains, and I’m conflicted, because this is my first day of vacation and I’m so caught up in the maelstrom that is ORCL (“the business”), that my mind keeps returning to all that business I have left to do, all that business I am in the middle of doing… I can’t turn my mind off. 

I keep pulling my attention back to the sensual autumn day.  The vibrant fall colors in the trees towering above me, their leaves twinkling and rustling, are so unlike Austin’s landscape.  I realize I hear the sound of – nothing.  No cell phone, no traffic, no music, no concalls, no people’s voices, no dull roar of airplane engine, no tap of computer keyboard, no whining child (!), no tv, no radio, not even the wind.   What a rare moment!

Higher I climb and the wind starts to pick up with a strong whoosh, but the sun is gaining altitude too, and the 70 degrees is welcome.  I feel the cool moistness of sweat dry on my skin.  Ahh.  I reach the outcropping, 3500 feet higher than I started, and take a seat seemingly on top of the world, humbled by nature’s magnificence below and all around me.  Yet still I struggle with the demands of relentless work crowding my mind. 

sacred view

Leaning back, I witness a cloud slowly dissipating before my very eyes – when’s the last time I noticed this?  – and yellow tulip poplar leaves swirling lazily upward, defying gravity.  I contemplate on the reason I treasure these mountains so,  ever since I first ventured this way at 19 with my sister Lisa and future hubby Mike T.  It is the sheer beauty – it bombards my senses, enticing me to disengage my mind and just BE – to feel that I am CONNECTED to all this, PART OF IT, that I am ALIVE.  

Well What IS the Purpose of Life Anyway?

I recall hiking these very mountains 25 years ago with my ever-philosophical younger brother Carlos and sister Michele.  He asked my view on the purpose of life (tramping in the woods is perfect for such ruminations).  Back then, my classic Anita narcissistic (unconscious) retort was: “why, that’s easy – it’s to have fun, to enjoy life!”  Today, for me, I know it is to evolve spiritually by loving and serving in the present moment.  I am not saying I do these all that well, mind you! but I am grateful for baby steps forward.  And my purpose today is not exclusive with enjoying life.  But then again, my definition of enjoyment is not the hedonistic one it was back then either.

As our vacation commences, I am able to dismiss my work obsession.  So often in daily life, I am with my family, present in body, but absent in my mind.  Now, I can relax on a porch swing with my daughter’s legs draped over my lap and no need to move, do, or plan.   I even become annoyed by the 50+ daily work emails that automatically download to my phone, (14 new messages!  22 new messages!)  and refuse to read them.  It’s funny – the three things I don’t need up here while camping: my cell phone, my keys, and my wallet – the three things I always check my pocket for anywhere I go in the “real” world.   

Swain County, North Carolina – God’s Country

To me, Swain County is the most beautiful place on earth.  Yet it’s such a juxtaposition of irony. Gorgeous scenery, and trailers dotting the landscape, with porches and front yards stacked with trash and the ubiquitous 5 junked-up cars. 

no one will steal it, lets sell it

 Backdrop of majestic mountains amid a preponderance of auto parts stores – the working class people fix their own trucks here.  Country folk with no pretensions and few teeth in their weathered faces.  Wonderfully descriptive names: Toot Hollow, Washaway Lane, Standing Deer, Tobacco Branch, Little Bear Lane, or Hangover Ridge, dragged down by 18% unemployment, the demise of the local economy due to manufacturing outsourcing, exacerbated by the recession.   Based on the for sale signs, the whole county seems to be for sale – tiny old boarded up houses everywhere. 

I met a man named Crash in his 60s with a signature grizzled mustache so long that it touched his chest astride a gorgeous brute of a red motorcycle.  He’d battled cancer 4 times and this time, he was not going thru with treatment.  He called the local lifestyle “the high cost of livin’ low”.    Hubby Ronny summed it up nicely by quipping “you know you’re doing good here when you can afford a double wide”. 

Which UT?

I’ve had the recurring urge to move back here for decades, ever since I fell in love with the area when I went to college at UT Knoxville back in the 80s.  I never followed through though, and now, I have other priorities – good schooling for Promise, Ronny’s family close by, I love Austin – it may never happen.  And yet.  Not ruling out the Mighty Vols for my girl if we can talk her into it when the time comes.  Til then, I’ll continue to visit every October to replenish my soul.  I’m reluctantly trading my orange and white T Mighty Vols mug for my burnt orange T Hook ‘Em Horns mug.  Luckily, the beef barbeque in Austin is as good as the pork barbeque here

Here’s a fast little banjo ditty from Ricky Scaggs that we listened to as we rode the Tail of the Dragon north (a winding road favored by motorcycle fiends): (“I may look like a city slicker shining up from my shoes… underneath I’m just a guitar picker, picking out a mess of blues…)

In a 7-11 in a dusty 1-horse town in West Texas, I first visually noticed the difference: there was a prevalence of rich Mexican skin tone, jeans, cowboy hats, and trucks. YIPPEE!  (there are bunches of convenience stores in Texas and they ARE convenient – who would have thought I would miss this!)  And room to spread out – I mean ROOM TO ROAM – just WIDE OPEN SPACES ever’where you gaze.  So unlike the crowded bay area.

We went to Dallas to visit some dear Mexican friends – well family, really, and I could not stop eating that amazing Mexican food Brenda and Jojo cooked (yes, she also cooked for our wedding).  They put on a party for us, complete with Tejano music blaring in the back yard from the boom box, crushed bud-lite beer cans piling up rapidly in the trash, and no-name tequila shots passed around later in the evening.  The grin on my face was wide.

One of the first things we did as a family was eat sizzlin’ fajitas at Serranos.   Really hearty helpings of food - and we got away for less than $20.  Unheard of back on the west coast.  The people really ARE bigger here… well, wider anyway. In fact, I am bigger… as you’ll read, food is a recurring theme in this blogpost!  What with new job, travel, moving, and all this great food, I put on 5 – yikes, I gotta get that off!

Other values: Gas$3.45 vs. $4.25.  Noticeable differences, sometimes 2x, in everything from nail care to food to clothes to childcare to gym memberships – it’s all cheaper.  Texas golf: 18 holes + breakfast + golf cart: 18$ vs Cali golf: 18 holes, no breakfast, no golf cart: $50.  I cant wait to spend my “raise” in my paycheck from not being gouged any longer by state income tax.

I dug out my shorts, tank top, and flip flops from the bottom of my drawer and wore them for the first time in a year.  My hands and feet were not cold – begone, ubiquitous slippers of the past year! It’s 88 degrees out there!  SUNNY SUNNY SUNNY MMMMMM

In the Austin airport at 9am on my way out for a business trip, I stopped at the Salt Lick Barbeque stand and loaded up on, then shamelessly slurped on - yes, slurped – their succulent ribs, brisket and sauce.  The guy at the next table was feasting as hard as I was.  Finally, we both leaned back and sighed.  He looked  over at my empty plate and then back at his, and opined, “I’m from Minnesota, and I am so lucky to have experienced this heaven”.

The people are more youthful here, partly because of UT Austin.  There is an energetic vibe that is palpable.  And is it just my imagination, but it seems there are more smiles and more laughter, people not taking things so seriously (or is it ME not taking things so seriously! )  The folks dress down alot more here, believing in comfort and plus it’s hot.  Back in Los Altos Hills, it was a much older demographic, more conservative, more buttoned up, more serious (more rat race anxiety?  more worry about paying for that $3M house?). 

This past weekend we went to a festival/cookoff  in Dripping Springs.  We used to go religiously every year and we were not disappointed again this year.  The friendly crowds, monster bbq grills festooned with longhorns and barbed wire; contestants serving up all manner of brisket, chicken, chili, salsa, beans; the crafts, the fun, the straw hats, the twang, the girls with shorts and cowboy boots – AH HOME.  I had to stop at one of the booths and buy a Texas flag-adorned toothpick holder.  I mean I know how silly it was even as I was forking over the $ but I felt, not just happy to be back, but  a sense of belonging; in fact, a rush of PRIDE to be a Texan, and an Austin Texan, at that. 

Ronny observed that California already feels like a DREAM.  We slipped right back into our Austin life, our house, our friends, routine, our daughter even back on the same soccer team.  It’s great to converse with our friendly neighbors in the cul de sac.  It’s as though we never left.

 I think we were meant to go to Cali – so that we would appreciate Austin and the wonderful life we have here, no offense meant to California at all.  We are truly blessed.

There’s no more fitting wrap up to this blogpost: Kevin’s song – YEE-HAW!

I had a great day yesterday.  I took a long hike in Arastradero preserve, to some obscure near-deserted back trails, areas I had not reached before with my piddly 2 mile runs .  I donned binoculars, with all the time in the world to observe.  It was a completely blue-sky 68 degree sparkling pristine day.  As I walked, I felt the expansion that comes with wide open spaces.  I spied a white owl high in a tree next to his nest (what a treat!).  Down in the holler, I heard a tom turkey repeatedly broadcast his prowess with piercing gobble blasts, and then I spotted him – his red comb gave him away.  I heard, then saw, a woodpecker far off, persistently hammering away at a dead tree.  I saw some yellow finches and a smattering of daffodils bending silently in the wind, a pretty testimony to impending spring.

And the bay!  The spectacular bay! I had the whole day, and the whole bay, stretched out magnificently before me. 

At the vista point, as far as the eye could scan, I identified San Jose to the south, there’s Moffitt air force base, there’s Shoreline, there’s Dumbarton bridge, could that be the Oracle complex? And on up to San Francisco far to the north, cityscape shrouded in the mist.  Gracing the foreground, placid rolling hills and grazing cows surrounded the Stanford dish.  Rounding out the background, Fremont and its mountain ranges towered across the bay.

First the zig

I felt the expansion, not just of the outside environment, but inside me as well.  It’s what I’ve been missing – I’ve been in contract mode over the past year or so.  I’m not complaining… I’m at the point now where I realize (finally!) that this is life – it ebbs and it flows – there’s a cycle, a rhythm: birth and death, achievement and rest.  At least today, I can take it all in stride. I can be patient.  Today, I am at peace with my life.  I know what the journey is about now: ultimately, it’s the journey to me – to my authentic me. (If you would have told me I would write that last sentence 6 years ago, I would have pronounced you mad… do any of you know what I mean?)

My career is taking a (nother) turn… reflecting, my career has not been a traditional trajectory; nay, it has not been linear (and I enjoyed fitting in the word “nay”).  Like the path I hiked yesterday, it meanders – here to an eventual end, but with a nice stream to rest by for a bit – there for a glimpse of an upcoming view – back again to the ongoing trek to the top.  All the side-tracks enrich the overall experience.  One step leads to another. 

I view this California adventure as one of those side-paths.  It’s the zig.  Let me tally up the adventure:

• For me, the work was good for awhile: industry and field marketing has been fascinating and enlightening. I now understand how to approach vertical markets with targeted marketing messages and how to use a marketing execution engine to generate demand.  And this time spent helped propel me to my new opportunity.  It was also a place to weather the recession. I did want to specifically mention 2 people I particularly learned from, and they probably don’t even know it: John F and David H – those two gentlemen constantly FLOW with ease, with non-resistance, “it’s all good” seems a natural state for them.  I want that!
• As for my family, Ronny solidified his golf game, and his passion for it has not waned.  Our daughter is ensconced in kindergarten and a brave new social world – she is unfurling before my very eyes.  (she asked me last night “did you order me?”) We now know what a great school system (Los Altos) looks like.  Finally, in this past year, we’ve had a ton of close-knit family time, exploring the area as a threesome: big sur, lake tahoe, hearst castle, santa cruz, half moon bay, caltrain, happy hollow, shoreline, the many open space preserves… just growing and enjoying each other in a familial rhythm. 

I am grateful!

Still, it IS good to be back in expansion mode.

Burning white heat of desire

I’ve been brushing up on good old Napoleon Hill – you know, the classic Think and Grow Rich guy.  I love his presumption, that in order to achieve anything, you must have “the burning white heat of desire”. It has been true for me.  Anything I really wanted, I only achieved when I made up my mind that NOTHING was going to stand in my way: a college degree after dropping out of college twice; losing 23 pounds in 2003; my precious baby I adopted in my forties after years of self-doubt, a broken mate-finder, and fertility treatments.

We’ve enjoyed our foray into California. (Ronny has dubbed it the year of no-sweat golf.)  It’s all part of our bigger destiny.  What is the eventual destination?  I don’t know the big plan, but I trust in my Higher Power to lead, and I do know my next step.  

We decided that Austin is home for us.  Hill also posited that every desire must be followed up immediately by massive action.   Thus, I first made the intention (after checking with Ronny, natch): we are moving back in the spring no matter what – job or no job.  And upon that white heat of desire, Providence moved in as the back-wind, to sweep the plan along to that result.

And now the zag

This California adventure is coming to a close. 

We’ll be moving back to Austin at the end of March, back to our lovely sunny home that I miss (that, btw, would cost north of $2M where we live now).  We’re looking forward to Austin and bluebonnets in our front-view!  I’m back tomorrow working for Oracle, back in Sales – wa-hoo!  I am approaching this opportunity, not with grasping, clutching, clinging, hoarding arms, nor with furtive, cowering eyes.   It is the journey – the journey is everything, not the destination! I am approaching this next phase with outstretched, expanded, ready-to-embrace arms-flung-upward arms, and a joyous, open, ear-to-ear grin.   

Where am I headed?  Around that bend.  And then around the next… it seems fitting to close with a country song by the great George Strait – One Foot in Front of the Other

It’s just flying by SO FAST.  Where did 4 go?  4 was such a delight!  5 is too!  I can barely carry her anymore, she’s all legs and elbows.  I am already sad about the day soon when I won’t be able to.  She still wants to climb on my lap – it is the sweetest thing but she does not fit!  Or how about this – all of a sudden, out of nowhere, she starts singing in the back seat – I’ve never heard this off-key confident voice singing on her own before!

Being an older parent, it takes more effort to play with her – for example, I would not normally hop, or sled, not to mention, I rolled around in the grass at the park the other day, something we did as kids. Whenever I tell people the age of my child, I see them do a doubletake and peer into my face again.  I can see them mentally processing how old they thought I was and how old I must be.

The travel is hard on me, even though it’s been 4 days last week, only for a couple days this week, and next week a couple days.  When I hear her on the other end of the phone, her little high voice, informing me she is watching ScoobyDoo – without me! is the pang I feel.  And when she says “mama” – it nearly breaks my heart.  Me, a mama.  Me, her mama.  She still runs to me when she gets hurt or sad, and I feel SO PRIVILEGED to be the one to offer her comfort.  You would think after nearly 5 years I would be over it, but it sometimes comes up in throat-catching waves out of nowhere – I am so grateful, SO GRATEFUL that this little girl is in my life. 

my girl

DH sometimes jokes “what were we thinkin’” and I admit now, that I had no idea what I was getting into (not that anyone does with their first one).  As for DH, I don’t know WHAT he was thinkin’, since he already has 3 kids – probably that he loved me, knew how much I wanted a child, and how he would do anything he could for me. 

We had a little get together with a few friends and their children last Sunday – the kids had a blast, I’ll wager, based on them zipping around the driveway on their bikes and scooters.  The discussion turned, inevitably, to raising kids.  And how we all take back everything we ever thought or said or assumed B.K. (before Kids).  We mothers, all software industry professionals, agreed that during the frenzy of those career climbing childless years,  we’d had such uncharitable thoughts as “I’d never bring my child on an airplane, can’t they hush that baby up, what an inconvenience to the rest of us!” or “I’ll never go out to dinner with my kids” and various other smug sentiments.  Now, we feel a strong compassion instead when we run across parents in these situations.

I’ve found that raising kids is an exercise in compromise, an exercise in trade offs.  I’ll never let my child have a Barbie in the house?  There it is… I’ll never let my child watch anything that is not educational?  Well if you call ScoobyDoo educational… I’ll never have my child in a public school… I’ll never allow my child to have candy… I’ll never let my child look like a street urchin when we go out in public… and guess what?  It’s going to be good enough.

Here’s what I do know.  That child has brought such intense joy into my life as I never knew existed.  And I would not have missed this motherhood experience for the world.  And I’m so glad for this gorgeous, gorgeous child, my child.  I know those of you with children feel exactly the same.

(oh how we miss it and sunny Texas!  The repetitive “cloudy and 55” California winter can be dull.  Yikes! I realize just how ungrateful that sounds).  We’d had success with listing rental houses on craigslist before, but not this time.  3 months down, we’d dropped the price several times, yet attracted no nibbles.  We were at the point where we were soliciting a price less than the cost of the mortgage.         

At the same time, we’d been scouting for a better living situation here.           

Our Menlo Park apartment, while adequate quarters situated in a beautiful location, at 1400 square feet was nevertheless small and we felt cramped.  I also really missed being surrounded by outside nature – something I’ve always needed.  And we appreciated the other conveniences afforded by a house that we’d taken for granted in past, such as a washer/dryer, garage, natural light streaming in on all sides…      

Patience in traffic not being a strong suit of mine, and unable to justify the waste of time and gas known as a commute, I was searching for a place close to work.  This was a steep requirement, given that housing in Palo Alto and surrounding cities is so pricey.  The other requirement was a good school district for my Promyo.      

So, more room, natural surroundings, good school district, affordable, and no more than 15 minutes from work (oh, and not a dump).  Reasonable, right?      

I started perusing craigslist every few days.  I narrowed my search to: Portola Valley, Woodside, Menlo Park, Los Altos Hills, and Palo Alto… Alas, I could not find anything less than $4500/month and most of those had the same square footage as the apartment.       

Meantime, I’ve been running the lovely  hills west of hwy 280       

I mean that – west of 280 is idyllic. The Santa Cruz mountains are GORGEOUS. I LOVE running these trails, in nature – I’ve not had this much fun running, ever.  These trails heading up the undulating, verdant hills offer spectacular views of the bay – SF on one side, SJ on the other, the Diablo Mountain range  rearing up in the misty distance across the bay.  And there are TONS of city and county parks and open space preserve land  (60,000 acres), with TONS of trails (225 miles worth)… no houses, just pure country.  Arastradero, Wunderlich, Windy Hill, Thornewood, Teague Hill, Edgewood, Hudspeth, Alpine Road, Stanford Dish, Stanford Lagunita… the exploring cornucopia is endless.   I’m running regularly and getting stronger at running inclines too, it’s exhilarating!  The weather that I just griped about means I can run almost any day.  And the sheer CONVENIENCE because the trails are so close by, only 5-10 minutes from work/the appt!  I’m blessed, I’m blessed, I’m blessed, blessed, blessed, blessed, blessed.  Oh, how I’d love to live west of 280.        

Meanwhile, my job is going swimmingly,       

I am LOVING my position.  I get to research different industries such as pharmaceuticals and electric utilities, understand their top issues, work with sales and product marketing to understand which of those issues our customers are solving/can solve with our technology, and map out relevant vertical messages that we subsequently take to market.  I audibly guffaw whenever I think how lucky I am to have such an interesting job.  The people here are mature professionals, the drama low, and the boss knows what he is doing.  And the travel is minimal, affording me a balance of life, and time to run in the evenings.       

Hope: the confident expectation of good in the future       

Trying to remain grateful, (OK, it is true I had to grit my teeth every time I bumped into DH in the tiny kitchen and mutter to myself to be grateful), staying open to endless possibility, extending a positive energy, encouraging the flow, trusting and hoping, it’s going to be all right, everything is in divine order… ahhhh yes… smiling for no particular reason other than because I can, because, trite as it sounds, life is GOOD… it’s all good… livin’ the DREAM…       

So what happens?         

We decided to go with a realtor for our Austin property, Ken Gipson at KGTexasRealty (this guy is a consummate professional), and not 3 days passed from listing when we got 3 interested parties.        

On the day after this encouraging news – what’s this on craigslist, posted not 2 hours ago?  A home for rent in Los Altos Hills?  On TWO ACRES WEST OF 280??  Across the street from Palo Alto Foothills Park and more trails – in fact, SURROUNDED by the park…???  2350 square feet and $3K/month – the same price as we’re paying now? (sad, but we’ve already accepted that $3K is a reasonable sum!!!)  That’s an UNHEARD of price for the area / square footage.  I resolved to engage immediately, this would not last.  3 others also agreed with me as to the outstanding bargain, and we bit our nails a bit once we realized we were in queue.      

I was giddy with glee: we signed a renter to the Austin house for $200 higher than we were asking, covering the mortgage, a mere 2 days before we signed on the Los Altos Hills house.  The house is IN THE COUNTRY IN THE SANTA CRUZ MOUNTAINS only 10 minutes from work and urbania.        

where we live

There are black tailed deer all around.  The house includes an ORCHARD with pomegranates, peaches, oranges!!!  Plenty of room for a garden! The school district is top-rated in the state, with exemplary rankings at all levels.  The owner/neighbor/farmer and his wife are in their 70s – potential surrogate grandparents for our daughter (who misses her San Marcos TX grandma and grandpa).  There’s even a paved trail across the road perfect for a little girl to learn to ride her bike without training wheels.  It’s hard to believe.  I still barely believe it.  Now, we have plenty of room – when are you going to come visit?      

When I queried the old Hungarian (sitting on $5M worth of property) why he did not charge more, he cocked his eye on me and opined that “the realtor insisted I could easily charge $4500, but I said I don’t need $4500.  $3000 is enough.  I only need enough.”  Wise words, wise words.      

Sometimes things don’t work out, and accepting disappointments is of course part of life.  Life has its ups and downs; in this life, none of us dodges sorrow, grief, tragedy, or dashed hopes.  I would even posit that accepting disappointments with grace is a mark of maturity.  The stars don’t always align for anyone, and I’m certainly no exception.  –Sigh- However, I believe it’s important to acknowledge and celebrate when they do.  Like right now.  I don’t believe in coincidences.  Do you?

I continue to feel grateful that I have a job and I really like it thus far, although admittedly it is early days.  Vertical Marketing is fascinating; I get to concentrate on understanding the business issues of the day in each industry, and how my company’s software solves these real-life problems and the resulting marketing messages that resonate from that understanding.  The people are nice, and the boss seems to know what he is doing.  The company feels stable, and continues to show solid results in this uncertain economy.   In fact Motley Fool recently awarded TIBX  “2010′s best tech stock”.

The TIBX culture reminds me of the behavior of a toddler in a predictable, consistent family environment – confident to venture forth and explore (ie. Cloud computing, corporate twitter, high-speed appliances).  Contrast that with my former employer!  I watched with fascination as it imploded before my eyes.  Waiting for the impending demise, there was only inconsistency, the distinct scent of fear, and all the finger pointing, dysfunction, and misbehavior that is often attendant in such stressful situations.

Two things are taking some getting used to here in my new California home.

Firstly is feeling cramped in the compressed space of the apartment, at 1000 square foot less than I’m used to.  Sharing walls, doorsteps, parking, noises, washers, dryers and street lights… ah apartment living! I had forgotten… but silly me.  There’s enough room for us!

And outside is sheer density too.  I’ve always chosen places to live on acreage or next to/looking out on acreage with big patios and porches to venture out on.  There’s always been plenty of room outside to spread out – ah spoiled by 20 years in Texas!  Now, we are truly living in dense “urbia” and looking out the window or on the patio, the view is of other buildings/houses.  All roads to the east feel closed in by houses built right up to the curb and right on top of each other.  Every bit of space is used up. 

But yesterday, I found a trail in Thornewood preserve a mere 10 minutes from my doorstep – actually, all the area immediately west of where we live, is miles and miles of green spaces and preserves and parks!  We live on the boundary of urbia and the Santa Cruz mountains.  The redwoods just towered over me, (how much taller the trees are here, compared to the squatty Texas live oaks!  10x?)  There was absolute silence; the only sound was my feet crunching on the soft fallen fir nettles (NO CARS or human sounds!).  It was glorious.  I breathed in deep. Ahhh

And today, we found another fantastic preserve – Windy Hill, also only 10 minutes away.  We packed a lunch and went on a family hike and  were rewarded with glorious views and nature.  After our hike, we stumbled upon a cute little outpost called the Alpine Inn, where we stopped for a soda – what a hoot!  This outpost looked like it was lifted out of backcountry Tennessee. 

DH keeps proclaiming “it’s just like the Smoky Mountains!”  I don’t deny – I am really getting excited about exploring all the trails to the west!

If you will continue to indulge my bellyaching, the second thing that I’m adjusting to is sticker shock.  It’s just SO expensive here.  It’s hard for me to fork over the cash.  It all seems so exhorbitant – $3K/month rent, 3.23/gallon gas, $885/month for 2 days (choke!!) child care, eating out/1.5-2x Austin, 9.75% sales tax, every time I go to the grocery, I leave with at least a $150 receipt… (oh how I miss HEB but that’s another whine for another time… although those in Texas can doubtless relate).  California state income tax is cutting out $650 every month… YOU READ THAT RIGHT (vs. Texas 0% state income tax!)  It feels like, to borrow an expression from my friend Nicole who lived in NYC, “I can’t leave the house without dropping 100$”.  To quote another wise friend Prathibha, “Just pay the money, honey. Just accept the prices, and pay the money.”

Even as I write this, I know I’m so spoiled and that this sounds SO grouchy and ungrateful.  So much of the world does not even have running water!  We live in a 3 bedroom in tony Menlo Park after all!  I often think, at such times when I’m not feeling grateful, of the scene in Slum Dog Millionaire, where the soaked-to-the-skin young girl joins those two boys in the trailer of an abandoned 18 wheeler to escape the driving rain.  They do not possess one single thing other than their next breath and a place for the nite out of the rain.  Or the time I visited Rio de Janeiro and witnessed all those slum tin awnings that were scattered up and down the muddy hillside that passed for people’s homes.  Or the time my friend Joe and I were bushwhacking in the Barranca del Cobre in Chihuahua Mexico and ran across a Tarahumaran Indian family living literally in the dirt, under the overhang of a cliff.  Much of the world would be so grateful to be in my situation.

Maybe it’s the disgruntlement of having my perfect world in Austin turned upside down.   I loved my perfect house, my fascinating convenient city, my family close by, my friends and my comfortable situation.  (BTW, DH loves it here).  Yet I know these things in my heart:

• Growing does not happen when the environment is perfectly set up to encourage complacency.
• This path was laid in front of me and I chose to step out on it.  I am creating this experience by my choices.
• I want to revel in this situation, to be grateful that I have new experiences that will challenge me and keep me young and adaptive. 
• I have a great job, my friends near and far, my family, we have our health, and I have YOU!  I have LIFE.  I am truly blessed.

Oh, and one last thing.  I’ve been reading analyses of the past decade and how many have proclaimed it a big zero, including this NY times article.  Maybe it will not go down in history on a macro level.  But looking at my own situation, in the past decade I a) found a life partner to share love and this life with b) adopted a lovely child c) relinquished unhealthy habits and behaviors d) gained a relationship with my higher power e) learned to how to forgive and say I’m sorry f) learned the power of gratitude g) gained consciousness!  For me, it was a big success!

Time to re-invigorate, turn to the positive, smile and embrace my present moment, and dust off the old saying by Helen Keller that was my favorite for many years, and apply it to 2010: “Life [in 2010, in CA,] is either a glorious adventure, or nothing!”

Here’s a song that ties into the sentiment of being blessed just to be alive: Kenny Chesney and Dave Matthews “I’m Alive”.

What 3 great things did YOU experience in the past decade?  Drop me a line and let me know…

We settled in Menlo Park, which you probably have not heard of, but which is a stone’s throw from Palo Alto, which you might not have heard of either, but which is home to Stanford University, which you likely HAVE heard of.  We are all of 3 minutes from Stanford U.  

 Let me say this up front: as Texans these past 20 years and Dear Hubby (DH hereafter) his whole life, we have been spoiled by SPACE.  Sheer SPACE.  Here, houses are piled upon houses.  Every available inch seems to have been built on.  I am aware of the zero lot line in Dallas, but that is a CHOICE; here, it’s a necessity given the population masses and densities (7.4M in the bay area).  And there’s just cars cars cars traffic traffic traffic everywhere!   

We live on a peninsula!  It’s so crowded (101 cities and 10 counties), that although the GPS tells us a certain destination is only 3 miles away, it might take 20 minutes, due to all the lights, traffic and 25 mile per hour streets.  There’s no option as in Austin to “hop on 183 expressway and get anywhere in 15 minutes and usually in 7”.  The peninsula is just one big urban sprawl of town after town, from San Francisco down to San Jose, roughly 50 miles.  There are expressways up and down the peninsula that get bogged down daily during excruciating 3.5-hour-rush-hour (and which we adamantly avoided by our apartment decision).  But there are few EWays cross-peninsula, anyway, it’s only ~20 miles across.    

half moon bay

DH and daughter have already been to the ocean and beach at Half Moon Bay across the Santa Cruz mountains – it took them all of 22 minutes (see pic).  Another 20 or so minutes in the opposite direction and we’re at San Francisco bay.  

You might imagine DH is itchin’ to go fishin’!

 

 

 

 

Secondly, our apartment is about 1000 square feet less than we’re used to.  We made a lot of compromises/creative use of space (read: the office is un-inhabitable at the moment .   I haven’t lived in an apartment since 1993; this has also been an adjustment.  We don’t have covered parking.  The kitchen is tiny – I keep bumping into DH; my conclusion is, best just stay out of the kitchen! .  The bathrooms are small and accoutrements marginal (where’s my sink? and what’s up with linoleum?).  There are no washer/dryer connections at all – yikes!  The floor squeaks in places.  And yet, somehow we like it! 

 

The apartment has a good vibe, “good bones” as my realtor friend Karen Mateszewski would say.  It’s got huge patio doors in the living room that look out on the most gorgeous red maple, and another spectacular red tree (of unknown species – all this California foliage is new to me!), it feels like they are IN our living room!  There’s the heated pool and hot tub that are “at the ready” with no upkeep on our part.  It’s quiet.  There are big mature trees and great landscaping, it feels like we are in a forest (compared to Austin anyway!).  And, it really *is* big enough.  This move led us to shed all those non-essentials that we’d acquired over the years – getting down to basics is satisfying.   

skyline blvd thru santa cruz mountains

Other things to like!: 10 minute commute at most to work.  We are also minutes from the beautiful Santa Cruz mountains (see pic) where there *is* lots of open space, and there are lovely hills and trees in this area and FALL COLOR!.  It’s not snowing and it’s never going to be 100 degrees, or even 90 degrees.  Excellent school district for our daughter – we won’t have to send her to private school – we’ll just have to teach her not to be bullied by snobby Palo Alto kids    

You may be thinking, why didn’t we consider buying a house, what about the much-ballyhooed  housing bubble burst in CA, shouldn’t there be some good deals?  Well, houses in the Palo Alto/Menlo Park area *start* at $1.5M (down from $2M I guess!!!)  Case in point – you gotta click on this link to this simply incredulous $3M 1000 sqft home built in 1920… !!! The townhomes across the street are $1M and they look like nothing better than an $850 a month apartment in Austin.  Driving further out, prices do get an itty bit better: across the bay, a house that does not hold a candle to our Austin home is worth $650K, and the commute would be a punishing 45 minutes minimum, more like an hour, each way.  We cannot swallow paying that kind of money for a house; it just makes no sense to us.   

 As for renting a house, that will require a lot more investigation.  The houses I looked at that were commute-friendly and in our price range were tiny, 70s/60s/50s/earlier with no updates, and had major things wrong with them, such as:  

• they were perched inches from the expressway
• they boasted double paned windows that were all fogged up/covered with dirt inside with no way to clean them
• one advertised as a 2-bath – the second was a toilet – just a toilet, completely exposed – installed in the garage!

You get the idea – gaaaarrrrrhhhhh I could not stomach them.  

True city livin’!  We now live in walking distance to Starbucks, grocery store, a couple of restaurants, bar, pizza joint, a couple of parks, etc.  It’s very cool not to have to constantly jump in the car (although here’s a telling remark from my little one “Mom, why don’t we jump in the car instead of walk to the park?”)  

Speaking of our Austin home, we could not bear to part with it, so we’re trying to rent it out (not to mention it’s not a seller’s market).  Here’s the craigslist link; if you could spread the word, or know of anyone, we’d be grateful.  

Finally, there’s this sense of adventure we as a family share – everything is sensually stimulating, from trying the local Cal-Mex, to hiking to the Stanford “dish” (see pic), the different grocery stores, going to a new church, finding new trails on the Stanford campus to run on, the much greater diversity of culture, visually appreciating the orange and lemon trees that grow here (and other fantastic foliage)… it’s all brand new to us!  I can’t wait to try out all the hiking trails in the redwoods - I understand there’s tons of it!   

We’re smiling, and open to new experiences!  

What about YOUR adventures?  Feel free to share!  

Truth is, I did not initially consider leaving Austin (or Texas).  I, like so many, have fallen in love with Austin.  Many of my fellow laid-off-from-the-same-company colleagues adamantly refuse even to contemplate any other option.   However, I’m not the type to wait around collecting unemployment (which does not even cover health insurance, let alone food or mortgage), hoping the economy will recover.  I don’t have enough patience for that.  I also think I can be happy in many places, as long as I have my family with me.

In addition, I already took time off to adopt my daughter, hence, that restless desire to vacate the corporate world was out of my system.  At that time, I thought I was going to retire and dedicate myself to full time Momhood.  But after awhile, I discovered that I enjoyed working, and though I delight in my role as Mom, it’s not enough for me.   And hubby Ronny was willing (itching?) to try the “Chief Home Officer” role for awhile (he’s very good at it, by the way).  Thus the role switcheroo.  I think it’s an arrangement that works well for us, apparently it’s even stylish these days.

Finally, I came to appreciate the value of working (call me crazy!).  It’s full of opportunities: for growth, for fulfillment, to interact with others and build meaningful relationships, to team together to build something, to strive for a goal and savor the satisfaction of achieving it (and yes, the challenge and excitement of competition and “the thrill of the chase”).  Of course, it’s also a way to provide for my family, and Ronny’s golf addiction

I thus was happy and grateful to accept an exciting Industry Marketing position with a financially solid, established smallish company (~$600M revenues),  in the bay area.  It took 14 weeks from the time I was officially informed that my services were no longer needed, to accepting the offer.

How did I do this? I learned to execute a job search; I’d never needed to before!  Realizing everyone’s situation is unique, I thought it might still help others trying to land a job in this challenging job market if I gave the detail.  Here is the formula that worked for me:

• Reactivated my network by sending personalized, not blanket, emails to folks in my network asking for help, references, and introductions.  Luckily, I already had a good 300+ documented in linkedin.
• Networked my way to interviews by first finding a posting, then identifying someone in my network who worked at that company, contacting then for intelligence, and asking them to call/send an email of recommendation and my resume directly to the hiring manager.  This was the singlemost effective action to acquiring the position.
• Spent ~ 4 hours a day on average a lot of time on my job search.
• Focused my search – Started a broad job search, but realizing that hiring managers who get 50 (or 500!) resumes for an opening can afford to be very picky, I focused in on jobs and companies where I would be as exact a match as possible.  (Unemployment stat says 6.3 people per job – huh!  I heard anecdotes more like the above numbers).  I identified about 10 companies that I felt would be the best fit, and visited their job webpages at least weekly (and actually identified my current position this way).
• Linkedin was a wonderful tool for managing my connections.  Also, I used it to find colleagues-of-colleagues, and do research on individuals.  I also reworked my profile.
• Broadened my search geographically – Started looking only in Austin, but about 8 weeks in, decided to broaden to US wide, as Austin alone was not producing for me (news about Austin being less affected by the recession notwithstanding), and I suspected it was very competitive for marketing positions.
• Studied diligently for any interview – easily spending days prior, to understand as best I could the company, market, and specific position requirements.  I trolled the company website, downloaded and read their whitepapers and case studies, studied the competition, googled industry opinion, read analyst articles, practiced whiteboards of their products, watched webinars and listened to podcasts.  I created a “notes” file where I summarized the relevant information, and studied that.  I also got the names of the interviewers ahead of time if I could and investigated them, to try to glean a sense of their background/motivations/interests/personal brand.
• Created, practiced, and memorized a personal elevator pitch.  Who am I?  What are my strengths?  What are the top benefits I bring to an organization?
• Paid CareerBuilder to modify my resume, then took the results and punched it up even more to tailor to industry and role.  It took many iterations to get to “ready”.
• Created different “flavors” of my resume (one for sales, one for marketing, etc), as I have different skillsets, and then, when applying to a job posting, adjusted it further to match the requirements in the job posting.
• My resume, elevator pitch, and Linkedin efforts helped me become succinct about my capabilities and helped me clarify what I wanted as well.
• Started this blog!  Not sure it helped secure a job, but it has been fun, helped keep my sanity, and and advanced my understanding of social media.  Also utilized twitter, RSS feeds, google reader, and linkedin groups to learn about social media.
• Aggregators simplyhired and indeed became my job boards of choice, as they provided more useful results/better matches.  I started out paying for TheLadders but did not feel it yielded as good results.  Eventually, I set up alerts for my areas of interest/skills ie. “BPM Marketing in Atlanta”, for automatic delivery via RSS or email.  While I did not get my job via these mechanisms, they were still useful, as over time, as I got a sense of what types of jobs were out there, what was popular, who was hiring, how quickly posts would come and go, what key words to put on my resume, and how to better position myself.

Also,

• Ran a lot, nearly every day, as a therapeutic outlet and because I love to (even ran 4 5K races!).  I even managed to lose the 5-7 pounds that I’d gained in the last years of a sit-down-for-8-hours job.
• Kept my conscious contact with my Higher Power (HP) frequent and strong.  I kept in the forefront of my attention that 1) I don’t have the big picture, I just need to remain open 2) I have a unique destiny 3) my HP is looking out for me and my family 4) I have faith in my HP to show me the right path 5) I have so many blessings.  I tried not to insert my will, but just do my part as best I could, take action, and leave the results up to my HP.

I hope this helps others who are still looking.  I also want to thank EVERYONE who helped and supported me.  There’s too many to name, but YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!  My musical pick for this blog post is: Roll with It Baby, by Steve Winwood

While I’m sure the economy was bad, if you’re young, working for minimum wage (as I had dropped out of Art School), have no expectations, and nothing to lose, it doesn’t feel so bad.  We both managed to get jobs at the World Fair in Knoxville – he as a bartender, me as a pizza-slinger.  And we were economically content (our marriage was falling apart, but that’s another topic).  We lived in an apartment that was just-above-slum level.  Later, when we split, I lived in a trailer.  We were just muddling through life.  I was totally lost, and I had no grand plans whatsoever about career or what to do with my life.

I recall another time where things were rough going, in the 70s.  I was living at home then, and my dad got laid off from the GM factory where he eventually spent his whole life – or perhaps, it was a UAW strike.  I do remember the late-nite hushed conversations between my mom and dad, and my mom threatening to go to work.  She was what was commonly referred to then as a “homemaker” – given there were 8 of us kids, there was plenty to “make” at home!

We hobbled along; I recall the time we got “donated to us” huge industrial size cans of pudding and shredded beef from the Catholic seminary my brothers attended (my mom being devout, we went without to ensure we all got good Catholic educations).  By the end of the summer we were so sick of pudding!  Other vivid memories: chicken-neck soup and powdered milk – we kids derisively called it WAS: “warm and scummy”.  And day-old cookies and bread. 

Mom knew how to scrape up enough to get by, indeed I don’t think she ever had an extra dollar from the time she had her first child.  I recall her pouring over her little black book.  She had ruled columns where she recorded, tracked, and juggled every debt.  There were many years where she despaired to be able to send the minimum payment to the Montgomery Wards credit card – we lived on those exhorbitant extended credit terms.

We never, ever, got food stamps or assistance, even though I’m sure we could have.  My mom and dad rejected that concept – it was just not an option, a handout was just not something you as a self-respecting, healthy person would even consider.  Rather, you toughed it out.  In short, you “pulled yourself up by your bootstraps” , what I call “scrapping”.  To us kids then, we were just scrapping along as usual, and we had each other.  

It just goes to show, that everything is relative.  Believe it or not, I’m grateful for those times.  I learned through osmosis, the concepts of faith and pride, and making do and doing without – we thought it was normal!

Right now, we have everything we need, we just need to count our blessings.  Blessing #1: we don’t need to live on pudding – haha!  Seriously, we’ve got our health, I’ve got my faithful, patient husband who puts up with me (no small feat!), and my sweet daughter whom I cherish so much it hurts (where I once lost hope that I’d ever have kids or a family).  I’ve got family that I love and accept, warts and all - we’ll never forget those times growing up, it’s made a permanent bond.  I’ve got my husband’s family and my friends “my other family”, that I am so grateful to have in my life.  And in light of that sentiment, here’s my musical pick of the week: I’m a lucky man by Montgomery Gentry.

This week I wanted to address a question I’ve gotten several times during interviews: “where do you see yourself going in the next x years, what are your goals, what does success look like?”  I usually answer that I want to make a positive impact on the business and work with great people, and this is true.  But this is not all.  I don’t mention my other goals, because they are more spiritual in nature, and I’m not sure they will resonate with corporate America.  This got me thinking about where I came from.

Earlier in my career, when many in the valley knew me, I was perhaps typical of the struggling corporate employee.  My goals were to show the world I was someone, to BE someone worthy of note. Why?  This was due to coming from a meager childhood and an attitude of lack, which led to massive insecurity and fear (and arrogance to mask the fear), coupled with spiritual bankruptcy.  I also made the all too common mistake of buying into the western world’s definition of success: the acquisition of power and material possessions, and the indiscriminate display of wealth and attainment. 

I thus took my place in the long line and strove obsessively to show, thru attainment, that I WAS GOOD ENOUGH.  See!  I have the big house!  The nice cars!  The fancy titles!  I AM SOMEONE.  I was a quick and clever scrapper, but I can not say that I had any depth.  Thus it took me a long time to figure out that the ego is NEVER satisfied, such satisfaction is so fleeting.  For example, I would get a promotion, and the fulfillment would last a few weeks, then I’d be thinking about the next level and how to get there.   Or pay cash for the house, and in the next second, be jealous and want the vineyard, just because some Sales VP bought one with his spoils (what in heaven’s name would I do with a vineyard!?!).  That’s how unconscious and ego-driven I was then.

 And my relationships?  I did not understand the value of the people that came and went in my life.  I am not saying I was a terrible person (although I know now that I hurt some people), just an unconscious person.

And where did this get me?  To some level of “success”,  but also, to a level of such profound unhappiness, dissatisfaction, and emptiness, that, in a growing horror of awareness (call this grace!), I realized with shock just how wrong I was, just how convoluted my beliefs and goals were.  I had the material things, and they were cold and hard and could not embrace me! I broke free of the shackles of this lunacy, and on to consciousness.  I was able to recognize the utter futility of the path I was on and make a course correction.

 Eckhart Tolle articulates it so well in his book, A New Earth:  “Wanting and fearing are the primary motivating forces of the ego…If the desire to excel, win, or succeed at this or that activity provides you with meaning, what if you never win or your winning streak comes to an end one day, as it will? …I am not saying striving for excellence in whatever field are not worthwhile things to do.  For many people, they are an important part of their outer purpose, but outer purpose alone is always relative, unstable, and impermanent.”

 And the simple truth for me, is I learned THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR.  I AM GOOD ENOUGH.  I AM WORTHY IN MY VERY ESSENCE and I am not defined by the things I have or accomplishments I have attained. And the corollary came rushing in to my understanding as well: YOU ARE TOO!  WE ALL ARE!

 I am so fortunate, lucky, blessed, (choose your adjective), and relieved to report that now, I strive to recognize and ignore my ego (not always successfully – it is a journey after all; I settle for progress, not perfection!) And I’ve realized we are all connected, and it is the quality of my relationships and the ability to relate at a deeper level of common humanity that is sweet satisfaction.  THIS is the true, priceless treasure.

 So the full answer to that interview question?    Yes, I need to “make a living,” and I want to do an excellent job and make an positive impact on the business and achieve business goals, but I’m no longer interested in climbing corporate ladders, but rather, obsessed with building bridges with others.  And in making a living, I can also achieve my definition of success, which is: serving others, collaborating, sharing, listening, creating, helping, respecting and loving them (and behold! that also helps business!)

I want to be “in concert” with my fellows (BPM pun intended).  And my musical pick of the week, dedicated to all of my past, present, and future relationships with my business colleagues, is “Celebrate You” by Stephen Curtis Chapman.